


Eighteen

by DIPHYLLEIATAE



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys Kissing, Constellations, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cute, Depression, Domestic Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Dates, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Freckles, French Kissing, Heavy Angst, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, I Love You, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, Kissing Underwater, M/M, Men Crying, Minor Character Death, Neck Kissing, NurseyDex Week, Panic Attacks, References to Depression, Romantic Soulmates, Rough Kissing, Skinny Dipping, Sleepy Cuddles, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, beach dates, coffee dates, depictions of suicide, dexnursey week, nurseydex - Freeform, panic disorder, shit ton of fucking kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-24 13:58:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7511038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DIPHYLLEIATAE/pseuds/DIPHYLLEIATAE
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>William Miller is 12 years old when he realises he likes boys.<br/>William Miller is still 12 years old when he realises the world is a cruel place.</p><p>It takes a while but now Will Poindexter is 18 and he's lying underneath the stars with his soulmate. His soulmate who's dorky and clumsy and beautiful and brave and a goddamn mess and everything that makes him Derek Nurse.<br/>Will Poindexter is 18 years old when he realises just how in love with Derek Nurse he is.<br/>He's still 18 and he thinks that maybe the world isn't as cruel as it was when he was 12.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eighteen

**Author's Note:**

> the first prompt for nurseydex week: get together  
> \- soulmate au where your soulmate's name appears on your wrist when you turn 17  
> \- tw // depictions of suicide and homophobic slurs  
> \- also calling dex william in this fic was really fucking weird  
> \- characters belong to ngozi ukazu
> 
> [tumblr](http://daeguarchives.tumblr.com)   
>  [twitter](http://twitter.com/daeguarchives)

_**William Miller is 12 years old when he realised that he liked boys the way you were supposed to like girls.** _

_He doesn't tell his mama for another five years._

 

He put it to the back of his mind because he was 12 and all he really had on his mind was Pokemon, trying to convince his mama to buy him the new play station system (he knew they didn't have the money to buy him an xbox system) and trying his hardest to get onto the junior hockey team. He was only 12 but he knew that he wanted to be a famous hockey player one day, whether that was because he really did love hockey or because he had spent hours upon hours researching how much money hockey players make in the library (the computer at home was really slow) and came to the conclusion that if he was a professional hockey player he could buy his mama anything she wanted.

He didn’t see it as a problem until he asked his mama at breakfast why uncle Ethan didn’t visit any more. William liked uncle Ethan, he let him call him Ethan because he said it was weird to be called uncle, he was funny, he always played with William when he came round and he promised William that he'd be the first person to show his soulmate’s name to when he turned 17 but he hadn’t come to their house in two months, which was strange because William knew that Uncle Ethan's birthday was a month ago on that very day.

Before his mama could say anything, his father looked up from his newspaper with a sneer, “You want to know why, boy? ‘Cause us Millers aren’t a bunch of fags!”

William was only 12 but he knew that word was a bad word because Johnny Michaels always called Sebastian Evans that when the teacher was out of sight. It was obvious why he was called that, Sebastian was tiny and he did look and act slightly feminine, William supposed, if you cared about that sort of thing, not to mention he had two dads too. And in a close minded town like this, people assumed shit and people assumed Sebastian was gay and people did care about that sort of thing.

William liked Sebastian because he was a good friend and his dads made nice food whenever Sebastian invited him around, so he always did his best to defend Sebastian but he couldn't always be there for him. William always felt especially bad when he saw Sebastian with another bruise on his face but Sebastian always smiled at him and told him not to worry before telling him about how his grandma was coming to visit or how his dad told him this story about a guy who nearly died at the hospital.

His mama just busies herself with cleaning the counter and William knows something is wrong with his mama because she already cleaned that counter just before she watered the gardenias that sit on the window sill.

He doesn't come to this conclusion consciously but when his mama doesn't say anything, he starts to think that maybe something is wrong with him because he's gay. There has to be something wrong with him if, when the topic comes up all he hears is loud and cruel words from his father and silence from his mother. If his own father can say that, then surely other people say it too, people who don't know William, _they just know that he's gay._ If his own mama stays silence, then surely other people can too, people who don't know William, _they just know that he's gay._

It's after his father leaves for work that his mama sits him down at the table and holds her hand in his and looks around the kitchen as if she's scared her husband will catch her telling William the truth.

“There's nothing wrong with Ethan, okay? He's not a fag or a queer or unnatural, he's just a boy who likes boys.”

“How does he know he likes boys, mama?”

“His heart beats faster and he gets butterflies in his tummy and he blushes bright red and he has crushes just like anyone else. The only difference is, his crushes are boys and boys make him feel special in the way other couples make each other feel special. His soulmate will be a boy and that is okay. Don't listen to your father.”

“But if his soulmate is a boy and The Source chose, not him, then why does dad not like it?”

“Because some people are cruel.”

 

_**William Miller is 12 years old when he realises the world is a cruel place.** _

☾

_**William Miller is 13 years old when his best friend Sebastian kills himself.** _

_William is the one that finds him._

 

Sebastian hadn't been at school all day, which was unusual because Sebastian was one of the few people that William knew who actually enjoyed going to school, so Sebastian must have been really sick to have not gone to school. William remembers all the times Sebastian had come to school with a stuffed up nose or a sweaty face or that time that William was positive that Sebastian was on the verge of keeling over and being sick everywhere at any minute. He knocks on the Evans' door and one of Sebastian's dads – Jacob – opens it with a smile.

“Hey, William.”

“Hi, is Sebastian ill today?”

“Yeah, he said he wasn't feeling well in the morning but he's probably just sleeping it off because he's been silent all day.”

William walked into their warm house and took off his shoes and made his way to the stairs before Jacob called for him.

“Can you talk to him? It's just he's been off all week and neither me or Tom have had the chance to talk to him, not even today. Tom was at home with him till 12 and he didn't get a peep out of him and I've only been home since 12.30 and he still hasn't talked to me.”

William nodded and made his way up the stairs and to Sebastian's room, he knocked on the door quietly and heard nothing. He knocked a couple more times and still... Nothing.

“Sebastian?”

No answer.

William decided to open the door anyway and the sight he saw was not one he was prepared for.

William felt as if his heart had been physically ripped out of his chest, his knees going weak and his hands quickly scrambling around to find a wall to support him and his broken self. He finds himself looking around the room, looking for any sign that it's a joke but he can't because all he sees is Sebastian.

Wonderful Sebastian who let the racism and the homophobia roll off his back without a care, who wore his Black Power hoodie when he stayed around for the night, just to piss off William's dad and who squeezed William's hand extra tight when they were both in the boys rest room, trying to stop the bleeding of their wounds. Beautiful Sebastian who had brown eyes that looked golden in the sun, who had the softest hands and lips and who held William when the noise at home got too much.

Wonderful, beautiful, Sebastian who was lying on the floor, Jacob's hand gun just out of reach as if it had fallen away from him at the last moment, a little too late. His body was facing the ceiling, as if he had seen the light above before the bullet even hit him. His eyes peacefully closed completely contradicting the volatile bullet wound in the side of his head. The wall next to Sebastian's bed, the photos on his bedside table and his bedspread was splattered with blood and bone and brain and hair – splattered with _Sebastian's_ blood and bone and brain and hair.

William didn't know what to do, so he screamed.

And _he screamed_ until he heard Jacob come up the stairs, _he screamed_ when Jacob told him to calm down, _he screamed_ when he was led into Jacob and Tom's room, _he screamed_ when Tom came home from work, _he screamed_ when the police came in, _he screamed_ when his mama held him close to her chest and _he screamed_ till his voice was so hoarse that he doubted if he'd ever be able to talk again.

William sat in the front pew at Sebastian's funeral, he didn't talk to anyone, he just sat there as his tears silently dripped off his face. He didn't go up and say anything or even touch the casket, he just followed behind everyone else. He felt his mama hold his hand as the funeral procession went outside to put the casket into the ground. He saw that there weren't much people around but everyone who was there looked like their hearts had been shattered too. Johnny Michaels was there, William knew he and Sebastian had been on better terms over the last year but no one else from their class was there and William was glad because if they had come along, he knew he wouldn't have been able to deal with their fake sympathy. He did notice that some of the kids from the classes below were there, all five of them holding hands and sniffling occasionally, William knew these kids were the ones Sebastian coached in football in the park, every Sunday.

He stayed at Sebastian's headstone for a long time after everyone else was gone, just sitting there and letting his finger tips trace over the letters engraved into the marble until his mama came back with a blanket and a hot thermos of tea.

But he still felt _**so cold.**_

Because _that was Sebastian_ on the floor, because _that was Sebastian's dream_ of becoming a vet that would never be achieved, because _that was Sebastian's desk_ where he was supposed to be writing down his English assignment instead he wrote his _suicide note_ there, because _that was Sebastian's funeral,_ because _that was Sebastian's coffin,_ because _that was Sebastian's body_ being lowered into the ground, because _that was Sebastian's headstone_ that his head was leaning on.

 _Because that was all_ _**his** _ _Sebastian._

 

_**William Miller is 13 years old when he truly believes the world is a cruel place.** _

☾

_**William Miller is 14 years old when he comes out to his father.** _

_A lot of things happen when William is 14._

 

It's 11pm at night and William comes down the stairs for a glass of warm milk, he always sleeps easier when he's had a glass of milk, at least that's what his mama says. He stops at the door of the kitchen because he hears something that he's heard so many times; his father shouting at his mother. Except this time he sounds drunk. He'd learnt about drug addiction and alcoholism in his health class and took no notice if he was honest. But it's right there and then, standing behind the kitchen door with his ear pressed to the door, that he decides that he is never going to touch a drop of alcohol, _all at the age of 14._

It's the next day and his father doesn't go to work because he's too busy sleeping off his hangover. When William and his siblings come back home after school, he hears his father's drunken shouts in the kitchen once again and ushers his siblings through the front door and up the stairs before he, himself, goes through the back door and straight into the kitchen – and straight into the firing line. His father turns around and spits insults at him before he leaves the house. William takes no notice and steps toward his mother who's normally pale white cheek has a red mark in the shape of a hand print on it. On closer inspection he sees badly concealed bruises. William swears to himself that he'll never let anyone hurt his mother like that, _when he's 14._

It's 11pm at night again but this time William and his mama are sitting at the kitchen table in silence, the two of them drinking the warm milk with sleepy smiles on their faces. He hears a knock at the door and his mama throws his plastic cup of milk into the sink and ushers him into the living room, where he stays just in case his father decides to hit her. But there's no gruff voice and no shouting, all there is a soft voice that is definitely a woman's and then his mother's soft cries. He hears the door close and rushes back into the kitchen and hugs his mother from behind, in hopes of calming her down. He hears her laugh and she turns around and places her hands on his cheeks and tells him, _“He's gone, he's gone. We're okay.”_ William hears his mother's laughter for the first time since he was 12 _when he's 14._

He hears her voice and breathes out this sigh of relief. He doesn't know if he should feel bad because his father is dead but then he remembers the fear and the hiding and bruises and suddenly, he doesn't feel so bad any more. He breathes in like this is the first time that his lungs have been able to breathe in sweet air and not the cloud of toxicity that hung around his father. Grasping the skill of how to breathe again is what _William learns at 14._

As he sits at the front of another pew at his father's funeral, William thinks about how that would have been him, William Jacob Miller, if his father hadn’t died. He doesn't know how he would have died but he does know that in his suicide note, he would finally come out of the closet because that way there would be no way in hell that his father could hurt him. Then again he could have had his body sent to the morgue and then refuse to reclaim it, leaving it to be cremated like he's read about on the internet when the teacher made them research the AIDS crisis. The truth is a fucked up thing, _William thinks at 14._

He's sat at his father's headstone, like he did with Sebastian's, but this time he's doing it so _someone_ knows the truth. He spits at the grave and says,

“I'm gay. I'm gay and you can't hurt me and you can't hurt mama, I know you and mama were never soulmates and maybe that's why you were so shitty to her. You can't hurt anyone because you're fucking dead. And I'm fucking gay and one day I'm going to marry a boy who loves me, who treats me right and you're not going to be able to do a fucking thing because I am going to be gay and proud and happy and so many other things that you won't be able to stop. One day, I'll do all that and I'll look back at this moment and consider it the greatest irony that the second person I told I was gay was the one person who scared the fuck out of me till the day he died. I'm going to find out who my soulmate is in three years and when I see that it's a boy's name, I'm going to run down here and wave it in your face because _fuck you,_ that's why. Now I'm going to go back home to my mama and we're going to be happy, _finally._ ”

 

_**William Miller is 14 years old when he thinks that sometimes, the world isn't that much of a cruel place.** _

☾

_**William Miller is 15 years old when he dies.** _

_His mama finds her soulmate in a man called Connor and he really does make his mama happy._

 

_**Will Poindexter is 15 years old when the world doesn't seem as cruel a place any more.** _

☾

_**Will Poindexter is 16 years old when he tells his siblings he's gay.** _

_He tells them in order of their age and he's not sure why._

 

He tells his older sister Siobhan the day after he turns 16. He knows she's out with her friends so he sends her a text that says **I need to talk to you, asap.** before he can back out of this. He didn't realise just how ominous the text sounded to Siobhan who immediately told her friends she had a family emergency, took the first bus that came, forcing her to run three blocks before she reached her home. Connor opened the door with a smile which she returned before breathing out a, “Can't talk, Will needs me,” and running up the stairs.

To say that Will was shocked to see his 18 year old sister in front of him, currently flopped on his bed, almost 20 minutes after he had texted her, would be an understatement. He was counting on her being out for a couple more hours so he had more time to prepare for the actual coming out moment.

She sat up and asked, “What's wrong, Will?”

“I-” The words get stuck in his throat, he doesn't know why because he's done this before; he's said the words I'm gay before to his bedroom mirror, then to Sebastian and then to his father, so why is Siobhan different?

She reaches her hand out to hold his and smiles at him, reassuringly but she can't mask the slight expression of worry on her face from Will.

He closes his eyes and breathes in and out like Sebastian taught him to, “I'm gay.”

He was expecting her to cry, or to call him an abomination or for her to hug him and tell him that she'll love him forever, he _wasn't_ expecting her to slap him on the back of his head.

“Ow, what the fuck?!”

“Look, I'm so proud of you for coming out to me but I thought you were going to tell me you had cancer or something!”

“Well, I'm sorry that I'm not dying.”

She pulled him into a hug, “You're such a nerd. I mean, you're going to have to pay me back the bus fare but don't be sorry for having an existential crisis, especially in a fucking town like this. I love you, okay?”

“Could you not tell anyone yet, including mama?”

“Yeah, I'll let you come out when you want to.”

“Siobhan?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.” 

☾

Next up was his younger brother Rory, who was going through that phase where all he wanted to do was play GTA all day, every day. Will didn't mind watching him play, but it did get boring when all Rory did was kill a bunch of drivers and steal their cars before showing him pointless cheats like jumping up six feet into the air, _seriously who needs to jump up into the air when the police are after you?_

Will sat on the couch, carding his fingers through Rory's hair as his younger brother started to set up the game before deciding that the best way to go about this was to just come out quickly, like ripping off a band aid.

“I'm gay.”

“You like boys?”

“Yeah.”

“Is your soulmate going to be a boy?”

“I think so, yeah.”

“Oh, okay.”

“You're okay with this?”

“Why wouldn't I be? Even if I wasn't, it's not like you can stop being gay, Tom was telling us.”

“What?”

“Max's older brother is gay, his soulmate is a boy but he lives in New York now so we asked Tom everything we needed to ask him.”

“Oh, cool.”

“Hey! You wanna see the new cheat Max sent me?”

“Sure, why not?”

☾

It's not everyday a 16 year old ginger boy is seen sitting around a small, pink plastic table sipping _'special fairy juice'_ from a purple cup, wearing a light pink tutu and a tiara to match because “princesses always have to match, Will”.

But that was Will's situation right now.

He didn't mind, he liked playing with Aoife, she was his favourite sibling because she always made him feel better. He felt like he owed it to her to tell her that he was gay, Aoife was only 5 but she knew all about Sebastian because Will couldn't handle never talking about him ever again and everyone else knew so he told Aoife. The first time she asked why Sebastian never came around, Will had cried and told her, _“God sent his angels to bring him back home.”_ It was the easiest explanation and she never asked again but she always enjoyed the story of the time he and Sebastian tried to bake a cake (the cake ended up burned, the icing was way too runny and they burned a pair of oven gloves).

“Aoife?”

“Not my name.”

“Sorry, Princess Aoife Buttercup.”

“Yes, Princess Will Butterfly?”

“I have something to tell you.”

“Is it a secret?” Aoife asked with wide eyes.

Will nodded and Aoife quickly made her way round the table and placed her ear by Will's mouth, “If it's a secret, you have to whisper it.”

Will cupped his hands around her ear and whispered, “I like boys.”

Aoife moved back to her side of the table and said, “That's a bad secret, you like boys. _I knew that_ but why does it have to be a secret?”

“Because some people are mean.”

“Oh, well I'll fight them,” she replied with a self assured grin on her face.

“I can fight my own battles, Aoife.”

“I'm not fighting for you, that would be too much work. I'm fighting them for me.”

“Why?”

“Because I like boys and girls and mama and you and Siobhan and sometimes I love Rory but not when he teases me and I love our new papa and I love Mrs Jennings' cakes and...”

Will smiled at her as she carried on rambling about what she loved and realised that she didn't understand but she still loved him because he was still her Princess Will Butterfly and that made everything alright.

 

_**Will Poindexter is 16 years old when his sister helps him realise the world is not as cruel when you're a princess.** _

☾

_**Will Poindexter is 17 years old when he finds his soulmate in Derek Nurse.** _

_He also starts being called Dex, comes out to his mama and really learns to accept himself._

 

He sees the name _**Derek Nurse**_ on his wrist when he's showering on the morning of his birthday, he expected a boy's name, he expected this day to come but he _didn't_ expect this feeling of happiness with a tinge of sadness to over take him. He leans against the wall and sits there as the water carries on falling onto his head until he turns the handle and stops the scalding burn on his back.

 _Derek Nurse,_ that's his soulmate's name and it's all that's on his mind. The name _Derek Nurse_ seems to be on an endless loop on his mind and he just can't get away from it because he wants it to stop but at the same time he wants to know about this _Derek Nurse._

_Who is he? What does he look like? Will he want to be Will's soulmate? When will he meet him? What's he like? Is he going to be the same age as Will? Will his personality be like Will's? Will he like Will?_

_He doesn't realise he's not breathing properly_ until Aoife bangs on the door and tells him if he doesn't open the door, she's gonna call mama – mama who tells him to concentrate on her voice and listen to her count to five.

When Will receives the letter from Samwell telling him that he's got the hockey scholarship, he's sitting beside his mama as she holds his arm in a vice like grip. She pulls him into a hug that she hasn't swept him into since he was 14 and his mother got the news that his father died in a car accident.

Then the realisation kicks in that he going to be hours away from his mama, they won't be able to have their midnight talks over glasses of warm milk, the tea parties with Aoife aren't going to be as frequent, he's not going to be able to tease Rory, Siobhan won't be as close any more to tell him that things are going to be okay and he's not going to have Connor tell him that his dad is dead and he has a papa now.

 _He doesn't realise he's not breathing properly_ until his mama tells him to concentrate on the tiles on the floor and count each one and focus on getting his breathing to match the counting.

Before he goes off to Samwell, his mama tells him she loves him and reminds him to take his meds every day at 8am and if he ever misses the time, then he should take them as soon as he remembers. He asks what he should do if he misses a day and she tells him to call her and they'll talk out the anxious feelings that might be eating at him, but for him to _never_ take twice the dose the next day.

He doesn't know if she says it because she remembers Sebastian or if she genuinely thinks Will can't do this whole college thing.

He stands in front of a notice board, taking in all the information about the various clubs running, where all the professors were and where Will could pick his schedule from. He's not really concentrating because there's a really loud English major who just won't shut up about Robert Frost. One of the first things that Will notices about the English major is that he's wearing a tank top and keeps his soulmate's name on show, he's too far for Will to be able to read it but all he does is stare at his own covered wrist, the one he's been hiding from the light of day since the day it turned up on his wrist when he was having a shower. The English major's voice isn't annoying because Will kind of likes his voice, it's just he wishes he could do the same – wishes he could capture the attention of so many people at a time without thinking that he's going to break down in the next five seconds.

He almost misses a loud guy called Shitty telling the student room to follow him if they're part of the Samwell Men's Hockey team, he retracts and then says anyone can join unless they're a fucking lax bro, then they can can wait for Chad or whatever the fuck his name is for a tour that's definitely going to be shitty compared to his.

Will wants to ignore Shitty when he sees the English major follow the rest of the rookies who are behind Shitty but he knows he'll regret it if he doesn't. He wants to roll his eyes at the English major when he says, “Ladies, first” to Will when he's boarding the bus. He wants to ignore the English major and he knows that would be rude but then the English major says his name.

“Hey! My name's Derek Nurse.”

That's his soulmate; his soulmate is this loud English major, his soulmate is this boy in front of him who he'll have to play hockey with, his soulmate is this boy who is looking at him with worry, his soulmate is this boy who is so fucking beautiful, his soulmate is this boy who looks like so much like Sebastian at one moment but the next he looks nothing like Sebastian.

 _He doesn't realise he's not breathing properly_ until he feels Derek's fingers intertwine with his and he hears Derek's voice telling him to concentrate on his thumb tracing over his palm.

Once he's calmed down, Will manages to speak and shakily say, “You're my soulmate.”

“Your name's Will Poindexter?” Derek shows Will his wrist to show him the proof and all Will can do is pull back the sleeve of his shirt and show Derek the name on his own wrist and breathe out a “Yeah, it's me.”

Derek gives Will his number and Will returns the favour but they're at the Haus before anything else can happen but they hold hands throughout the entire tour of the Haus, which isn't much because all Will remembers is a mouldy couch, two guys names Ransom and Holster who were cuddling on said couch and a lot of pie.

After the tour, Derek takes him to his dorm and sits him down on his bed and says, “I'm so glad I found you! I'm so excited to go out on dates with you and hold your hand and just be with _you,_ my soulmate.”

Will's brain short circuits when he hears Derek says “go out on dates” because he's not out of the closet yet, his mama doesn't know. His insecurities creep into his mind again and he thinks about how he doesn't get exactly how he held Derek's hand for so long. He thinks about just how much Derek looks like Sebastian. He thinks about he needs to tell his mama he found his soulmate but telling her that means he needs to tell her he's gay and that means going back home and facing homophobes like Mr Stewart again. He thinks about Sebastian and how Sebastian should have been here with him at Samwell.

 _He doesn't realise he's not breathing properly_ until Derek snaps his finger in front of his face and says, “Who's Sebastian?”

Will snaps out of his daze before he gets up off the bed and says, “He's- He's my best friend. I-I I can't do this, I'll call you, okay? I need to go home.”

Will knows that he leaves a heartbroken Derek on the bed but he can't do this, he needs to talk to his mama and a phone call doesn't seem good enough so he uses his phone to book a bus ticket back home. He knows his mama is surprised to see him at her doorstep but all he can do is drag her to the kitchen table and sit her down beside him.

He looks her in the eye and says, “Mama, I'm gay. I just found my soulmate and his name is Derek Nurse,” he stops to show her his wrist, “He's so beautiful but it hurts so much because when I look at him, he just looks so much like Sebastian and all I can think of is that Sebastian should be here, _alive._ Mama, I don't know what to do because I know I'm hurting him too. I've really accepted myself being gay but it's just the fact that he looks like Sebastian. _Mama, what do I do?”_

His mama just held onto him as he cried into her chest, running her finger through his hair and whispering that he was going to be okay. Once he'd calmed down, she told him she'd inform the Samwell administration that he was ill and needed to be home for a while.

He was at home for the next two weeks, it had been hard for his mama to convince the people at Samwell that Will genuinely was ill and that he would put in twice the work needed when he came back to Samwell. The break had been good for him, he told Connor he was gay too as well as Sebastian's parents, they'd adopted three more kids over the last four years but they still kept up photos of Sebastian around the house. Of course, in a small town word got round fast and it wasn't long till Will came across Johnny Michaels at the grocery store.

Johnny had changed over the years, he'd gotten taller and more built but his hair had thinned and his face seemed more hollow not to mention his eyes had bags darker than shadows as if he hadn't slept properly in years. He also had a baby on his hip who seemed to be sunshine incarnate.

“So, you're gay now?”

Will scoffed at him, “I've been gay since I was 12, I just told my mama now. There's a difference.”

“How do you do it?”

“What?”

“Not give a shit about what people say when they try to rile you up about being gay.”

Will turned to a genuinely interested Johnny, “I've never really come across a homophobe that insulted me or tried to hurt me but I guess, it was Sebastian.”

“Sebastian?”

“Yeah, Sebastian, he didn't give a shit about what any of you guys said to him and when he died, I realised just how short life can be. I told myself I would do what he did all the time when people tried to hurt him, not now but one day. After my dad died, the biggest obstacle in my life was gone and I wasn't exactly free to be who I wanted to be but it was like this huge weight was taken off my shoulders. Now I've found my soulmate and I realise that just holding his hand will piss people off and I have got to stop caring about them otherwise everything I've been through would turn out to be pointless.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Why are you asking?”

“I'm trying to figure out how to tell my folks that my wrist has the name Sebastian on it.”

“Sebastian's your soulmate?”

“Nah, it's a different one, Sebastian _Knight._ Fucking ironic, isn't it? My soulmate has the same name as the boy I had a crush on and if I remember well, the boy you had a crush on too.”

“It wasn't a crush, we just kissed to see what it was like. Sure, I liked it but I think that was more to do with the fact that it was my first kiss with a guy than the fact that it was Sebastian.”

“Sure,” Johnny replied with an unbelieving grin, “Well, I have to go now and feed Jenna, here. By the way, my parents say congrats on coming out. Oh, and they want you to come round soon, they're saying it's been too long and ma has a new cake recipe she wants you to test out.”

Will goes home and texts Derek a simple **hi.** Derek replies quickly and they spend the entire evening talking about everything from Will's obsession with Leonardo DiCaprio _(he deserved that Oscar a long fucking time ago)_ , Derek's habit of never wearing matching socks _(okay I get it's unusual, but who really looks at your feet?)_ , Will's irrational fear of clowns _(it's not irrational, they're creepy as fuck!)_ , Derek's weird crush on John Cena _(look, I don't know how I came to this point but I have made peace with it)._

After they've texted each other goodnight, all Will can think of is how in love with a boy called Derek Nurse he is.

He's added into the Samwell Men's Hockey team group chat after that and he earns the nickname Dex, courtesy of Shitty who claims that if you play for a hockey team and you don't have a nickname, not only is it a travesty of justice, it gets you in the hockey gods' bad books. The group chat is mostly chirping, Nursey promoting his Instagram, Chowder being a literal ray of sunshine, Ransom and Holster being the most in love people to have ever fucking texted, Shitty complaining about heteronormativity or something of that nature, Bitty asking about pie flavours, Lardo continually reminding them that this a work group chat and Jack being absent a lot of the time, chiming in with a reminder about the next hockey meet every two days but never getting involved in the arguments or anything else that happens in the group chat, for that matter.

 

_**Dex is 17 years old when the world doesn't seem as cruel a place any more.** _

☾

_**Dex is 18 years old when Nursey starts taking him on dates.** _

_They always end the same way._

 

When Dex returns to Samwell, the first thing he does is turn up at Nursey's dorm, do a quick prayer that he's in and knock on the door. Nursey opens the door with a “What the fu-?” but ends up being cut off by Dex hugging him with all he has and breathing his scent in.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Nursey says as he snakes one arm around Dex's waist and cards his fingers through Dex's hair with the other hand.

They pull away and Nursey places his hands on Dex's cheeks, bringing their faces together and resting there with both their noses touching gently. Nursey smiles at Dex before leaning and kissing him softly, Dex smiles into the kiss and returns the gesture.

They stay like that; breathing in the other, coming to the realisation that their soulmate is here and with them, holding onto each other so tightly as if they'll never let go and if anyone tried to separate them, they'd find their way back to each other, no matter what.

It was weird for both boys, _they were only 18 years old_ and they'd never felt like this but this was their soulmate, the person they were destined to be with from the day they were born, the person who was going to love them for the rest of their life, the person they had waited so long for, the person who made all the shitty things that happened before they met worth it.

They went to sleep in Nursey's bed that night, Dex curling into Nursey's chest and Nursey tracing patterns all over Dex's back. By morning, Dex's head was on Nursey's chest and their legs were intertwined with the other's and the blanket was somewhere on the floor. It was when he woke up that Dex decided that Nursey should know about Sebastian, it was only fair for him to know why he freaked out when they met.

“He _was_ my best friend.”

“Huh?”

“Sebastian. I told you that he _is_ my best friend but he's not, not any more. He hasn't been for a long time.”

“Dex, you don't have to tell me if it's going to hurt you.”

“I have to, I owe you that much.”

“Okay, take your time, baby.”

“We'd been friends since we were 8, he had two dads and we lived in a conservative town and if you do the math that meant Sebastian got bullied a lot. At first I would just defend him but then he came to sit with me at lunch and I realised that he was more than the kid with two dads, he was funny and brave and cool and someone I wanted to be friends with. It was only when I turned 10 that I realised he was being bullied because he was the only black kid at our school too, I didn't get why they would bully him for that but I helped him anyway because it wasn't fair for him to get bullied because of something he couldn't even change.”

Dex took in a shaky breath and reached for Nursey's hand, “I was 13 when it happened, he hadn't been at school all day so I went over to his house to check up on him. I went upstairs and knocked on his door but he didn't answer. I knocked a few more times and then I just opened the door and I saw him, lying on the floor with the gun next to him.”

“Oh God, you don't have to continue.”

“I have to,” Dex replied, “He killed himself. The only person in the world who knew me, _the real me_ and he was gone. That's why I freaked out when you told me you were my soulmate.”

“What?”

“You look so much like him, clearly not in an obvious way, because he was 13 when he died and you were 17 when I first saw you. But you,” Dex paused again, “But you and him have the same friendly smile and that twinkle in your eye when you get excited about something and you just looked so much like him that it hurt. Because he was supposed to be here too, he was supposed to be studying to be a vet with me by his side but he's not here and _it hurt so bad.”_

“Oh, love,” Nursey said before hugging Dex tighter, “We can take it slow if you want.”

Dex looked up at Nursey, “I'd like that. I'd like to take it slow.”

“Well, you better be ready because I'm going to take you out on a lot of dates and you don't have to tell me you're my boyfriend but I do want a kiss at the end, yeah?”

“You're such a sap, but you're my sap.”

“And you're so cheesy it actually hurts.”

☾

Their first date is at the beach, two weeks later, Nursey tells him about this secluded spot he found while walking around town, trying to get a feel of the new place he was going to be calling home for a while. It was perfect, he said, it looked like no one went there a lot because it just looked undisturbed and it was always really quiet. There was a small waterfall and little cave just beside the waterfall that was perfect for staying the night to watch the stars in. Dex noticed Nursey's obsession with stars began when they started getting even more comfortable around each other and Dex wasn't so insecure about the freckles that he was sure covered every inch of his skin except from the palms of his hands and the soles of his feet.

He was excited to say the least, not just because the date sounded perfect but because it was his first ever date and it was with Nursey, his _soulmate_.

Nursey had told him to wear what he normally wore to the beach and to bring a towel for later, he told Dex that he'd pick him up 2.30, which he said he knew was a weird time for a date but it would all make sense later. Dex just shrugged and got ready before working on the final part of his 3,000 word essay for Professor Quinn. Nursey knocked on Dex's dorm room at exactly 2.30 with a nervous smile on his face and flowers in his hand. When Dex didn't say anything,he started to ramble nervously.

“Is this too cliché? It is, isn't it? I can just throw them in the bin, I think I saw one on the way to your dorm but I guess, the bin in your dorm would be the most obvious way to get rid of th-” he was cut off by Dex taking the flowers out of his hands.

“I like them, you dork. Now let me put them in a jar of water so they're not dead by the time I come back.”

They walk off campus, holding hands and Dex is surprised to learn that he's not as afraid to hold Nursey's hand, though the looks and glares do get to him a little bit but then he looks down at their hands and it's all alright, _sort of._ They walk in a comfortable silence and soon, they're at the spot on the beach and Dex watches as Nursey runs ahead into the sea, grinning and urging Dex follow him into the sea.

Nursey was right, Dex realises, the spot is beautiful. The waves are calm and the small waterfall looks like the type of waterfall that is photographed by pretentious Instagram camera fanatics, he's pretty sure Nursey is included in that generalisation but, whatever. The sand feels soft underneath his feet and he pulls his shirt off, leaving it in a heap on the floor beside his towel before wading into the sea himself.

He barely sees Nursey creep up behind him and dunk his head into the water. Breaking away from Nursey's grip, Dex turns to Nursey with a glare that could kill. He lunges for Nursey, leaving the two of them under the water, Dex tries to get back up but he's pulled down by Nursey as soon as he breathes in the air. Underwater, Nursey simply grins at Dex before pulling him into a harsh kiss, it's quick though, mostly due to the fact that it is hard to breathe underwater and even harder to breathe when you're kissing someone under the water.

“You cliché dickhead,” Dex says when they break apart for air.

“I've always wanted to do that, you know.”

“Do you have a list of places where you want to kiss people?” Dex asked, jokingly, nudging Nursey in the ribs with his elbow.

When Nursey didn't reply, Dex just laughed and laughed, clutching his stomach and through wheezes he said, “You do, you do. You have a fucking list, fuck. This is so going in the group chat.”

“If it makes it any better, I want to do them with you.”

“Okay, what's the next one?”

“Kiss in the rain.”

“That's even more of a cliché than this one and it sounds kind of gross.”

“Gross? Have you never watched a fucking romantic movie?”

“I have, but it just seems fucking gross. You're all wet and they're all wet and you're just rubbing against someone and it's fucking weird.”

“We are going to do it, Poindexter, one day. But right now, we're going to eat some of Bitty's pie.”

They went back to the sand, drying off and sitting down on the blanket that Nursey had set up before the date. Dex raised an eyebrow at the giant basket on the blanket, “All this for Bitty's pie?”

“Obviously not, there's other food in there too.”

“Like what?”

“Chicken wings, fries and a couple of cans of Sprite?”

“I'm okay with that, mostly because I know you didn't make them.”

Nursey grinned before taking the box of wings, the bag of fries and the cans out of the basket and kissing Dex before saying, “Dig in.”

They didn't talk while they were eating but it was a comfortable silence that Dex and Nursey both cherished before Nursey got up again and said, “Get up.”

“What about Bitty's pie?”

“After we skinny dip,” Nursey said nonchalantly, before stripping off completely and running into the sea, once again. Dex had gotten more comfortable in his body around Nursey, he could sleep next to Nursey shirtless with sweatpants on or he would wear a shirt with boxers some times but he'd never been completely naked with Nursey before. Not even in the locker rooms but Dex looked up at Nursey who was standing in the sea with a reassuring smile on his face and he decided _fuck it,_ and started stripping off.

He walked into the sea and straight towards Nursey who engulfed him in a hug, before he started peppering kisses on Dex's shoulder.

“You're so beautiful,” a kiss, “and adorable,” a kiss, “and amazing,” a kiss, “just perfect,” a kiss, “and mine.”

Dex felt the blush on his face but he just hid his face in Nursey's neck before whispering a “Thank you.”

Nursey started tracing patterns on Dex's back before randomly saying, “I love your freckles.”

“Why?”

“Because they're you, because I see so many constellations in them, because I look forward to finding more on your body, because I love every part of you, even the parts you don't love.”

Nursey dropped Dex off at his dorm, the two of them seemingly becoming more shy because Nursey wanted to ask Dex to be his boyfriend and Dex knew that but a label seemed a lot so he kissed Nursey goodnight and went back to his dorm, lying on his bed, thinking about their amazing first date. 

☾

The next date was a coffee date and it definitely wasn't planned because it was at 9.00 in the fucking morning. They'd spent all of yesterday in Nursey's dorm, studying together but separately because they didn't have a single subject in common. Dex had been too tired to go back to his dorm half way across the campus so he just cuddled into Nursey and went to sleep. Nursey had been too tired to realise that he had class at 10am so he'd set an alarm for 8.30 – mostly, because Nursey was that person who pressed snooze 500 fucking times and then wondered why he was late.

So there they were sitting in a coffee shop that Dex didn't know the name of but it had booths so Dex could lean on Nursey, desperately trying to wake up to no avail. Nursey had ordered them coffee to wake them up, Dex had been too tired to order and Nursey did tell him he could go back to his dorm and sleep but Dex refused and said when he was awake, that was it, he couldn't go back to sleep.

Nursey raised his arm so Dex could cuddle closer into him before resting his arm around Dex, leaving the other free to drink the coffee.

Dex sipped at his coffee and said, “You're an asshole for waking me but thanks for the coffee.”

“Excuse you, this is our second fucking date.”

Dex seemed to wake up at that, rubbing the sleep out his eyes, “It is? Since when?”

“Since I just decided, so tell me some shit about you that I don't know.”

“Why?”

“Because people learn more about each other on dates, duh.”

“But we literally had an entire conversation about your crush on John Cena before we even went on our first date, I don't know about you but I'm pretty sure I know a fucking lot about you.”

“There has to be something you don't know.”

Dex thought for a while, “I don't know about your family.”

“That's easy, I'm an only child and I have two moms. There's my mom, Dabria and she's from Qatar, that's where my middle name Malik comes from. And there's my ma, Petah, she's Native American.”

“Were you adopted?”

“Nah, my ma was married before she met my mom and she had me from that marriage, my dad died before I was born. We still visit my family from his side though because my ma and him were high school sweethearts. My ma met my mom when I was two and they've been going strong ever since then.”

“What about your family, Dex?”

“There's not much to it, really. I have 3 siblings, Siobhan, Rory and Aoife. My bio dad died when I was 14 and then my mama met her actual soulmate when I was 15 and we changed names. That's it, really.”

“So you weren't always a Poindexter?”

“Nah, I used to be a Miller.”

“What the fuck would your hockey nickname be?”

“I don't know?”

“Wait, why did your mom and dad get married if they weren't soulmates?”

“I never really found out, mama and I don't really talk about him any more, he's gone and that's that.”

“Why not? I mean, I get that he wasn't her soulmate but they must have loved each other.”

“I guess they did but everything started to change when I turned 10, he started getting angry more and he would stay out later. By the time I was 12, my mama was genuinely scared of him and when I was 14, I realised that he had started drinking and hitting her.”

“Holy fuck, did he ever hit you?”

Dex shrugged, “A little but he mostly just swore at me or ignored my presence completely.”

Nursey hugged Dex to his chest and they sat like that before Dex piped up once again, “This date got really depressing for 9 in the morning.”

Nursey just grinned, before kissing him on the forehead.

Of course, when they decided to actually leave the coffee shop, it would decide to rain and they were way too far from the coffee shop to go back so they decided to take their chances and run back to campus. Dex was about to walk into the building his dorm was in when Nursey stopped him.

“Remember the list?” he asked before wrapping an arm around Dex's waist to pull him into a kiss.

They pulled apart, Dex's hair was flat and some of it was stuck to his forehead, his clothes were soaked, his shoes were squelching and it was so gross but Derek Nurse was standing in front of him, smiling like he'd never seen a more beautiful person.

“Do you want to be my boyfriend now?”

Dex just kissed him again before walking into his building but not before he turned around to wave at Nursey, Nursey who was standing their with a smile on his face. 

☾

“Come on!” Nursey tugged Dex to the Uber that was waiting outside the campus gates.

“What if they don't like me?” Dex whined, trying to pull his arm out of Nursey's grip.

“They will, if their texts in the group chat are anything to go by, they'll love you.”

“You have a group chat with your moms?”

“Doesn't everyone? I mean, I need to tell someone about my tiny ginger soulmate.”

“Derek, we are literally the same height.”

“You carry on thinking that, my tiny ginger boyfriend.”

Dex winced at that and said nothing, he didn't know why the label made him so uncomfortable because he was fine with Nursey calling him his soulmate. Maybe it was because it made everything more official and more official meant more scary.

The car ride was only an hour long, an hour spent with Nursey trying to explain to Dex that it was okay that they hadn't reached boyfriend status yet and that his moms would love him. Nursey sent a text to the group chat with his moms before he got into the Uber, saying **will is a bit anxious about being called my boyfriend so just call him my soulmate????**

His moms assured him that they would respect his boundaries and soon they were outside the Nurse home. Derek wanted to face palm when he saw his moms in the kitchen, standing by the window, obviously looking out for the two before realising that he was directly staring at the two and pretending to be drying the dishes. He walked into the kitchen, Dex trailing behind and went straight into the middle of his moms, hugging them both and taking refuge in the fact that they were here, _with him._

Once separated, his ma grinned at him before walking over to Dex and hugging him tightly too. Dex let out a confused sound before tentatively wrapping his arms around her too, then his mom made her way to the two and joined in the hug and before long, Nursey was there too, trying to wrap his arms around all three of them but failing spectacularly.

“Hi, Will. I'm Petah, Derek's ma.”

“And I'm Dabria, Derek's mom.”

And as if they'd rehearsed it previously, they said “Welcome to the family,” together causing Nursey to let out a groan before dragging Dex to his bedroom and flopping onto his bed.

“Please ignore my mothers, they try their hardest to embarrass me in front of anyone.”

“You think that's embarrassing? The first time I bought Sebastian home, my mama bought out my baby photo album.”

“I'm going to ask her about this album, and then I'm going to take pictures and post some on snapchat and definitely send some to the group chat.”

“Fuck you, Nursey.”

“I can fuck you.”

Dex shoved at Nursey before saying, “Maybe later,” before leaving the room to go to the bathroom that was joined to Nursey's room. He was looking in the mirror before he realised he had something in his teeth, “Nursey, do you have anything I can use to get some shit out of my teeth?”

“There's some tooth picks in the cupboard,” Nursey replied.

“Why the fuck do you have tooth picks in your bathroom cupboard.”

“Sometimes I need to get the job done.”

Dex shrugged before opening the cupboard and getting the tooth pick box out and using one. He went back to put the box in its place when he knocked something onto the floor. Picking it up, he realised it was a pill bottle. He turned it around and saw the label said it was Prozac, the same pills he took for his anxiety. He put the pills back in the cupboard and went back into the room and hugged Nursey as hard as he could.

“I want to call you my boyfriend.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, you're my soulmate, why wouldn't I?”

Nursey sat up against the headboard, “Why else? I know some thing’s up.”

“It's just, I saw the pill bottle in the bathroom.”

Nursey seemed to get angry, “So you're being my boyfriend because you found out I have depression, I don't want a fucking pity relationship, Will.”

Dex shook his head, Nursey wasn't understanding.

“It's not because I found out about your depression, it's just- it's just I know what it's like to feel alone, okay? And it's easier to feel alone when relationships are blurred and confusing and you don't what the fuck you're doing but you're doing it anyway because it makes you happy. And it makes you so happy but when you're alone with your thoughts, you get seriously fucked over. And anyway, I'm going to have to call you my boyfriend one day, why not now? You're the best person I've ever met and you've helped me so much since we met, I want to be your boyfriend. Even when I felt uncomfortable with the label, I _wanted_ to be your boyfriend but there was something stopping but now, there's nothing stopping me.”

“Fuck, I always thought I'd ask you to be my boyfriend.”

When Nursey's moms called them down for lunch, Nursey walked in and said, “Ma and Mom, meet by boyfriend, William Jessica Poindexter.” 

☾

It's six months later and the two of them are on another late night date.

So much has happened in the last six months for the two; Dex is now in a group chat with Nursey's moms, the two of them have a designated date night every two weeks, Dex has practically moved into Nursey's dorm, Bitty and Jack told the group chat they were together ( **Bittle and I are soulmates** , which Ransom and Holster replied to with, **WOW I WOULD NEVER HAVE GUESSED** and **YOU'RE RIGHT RANS, WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT JACK AND BITTY WERE IN LOVE** ) and so did Shitty and Lardo ( **guess who's going to be Mr Duan one day, motherfuckers** ) and Dex went back home to introduce Nursey to his mama.

She bought out the photo album and Nursey took pictures of all the embarrassing ones likes the one where Dex had peanut butter all over his face or the one where Dex was in the bath with Siobhan and Nursey and he even got Dex's mama to send him the video of 5 year old Dex crying because his princess tiara was broken.

They also saw Johnny Michaels looking much healthier, Dex noticed him kissing a tall black boy outside his home, waving to Dex and Nursey when he saw them. They went into the Michaels' home, ate some of the cake Mrs Michaels quickly whipped up when she saw Dex and Dex was formally introduced to this new Sebastian who met Johnny when he came to visit his grandma. Sebastian was due to go back home in a couple of weeks but Johnny would be coming with him, but not permanently, at least not yet.

They were lying on another blanket in the cave beside the waterfall, smelling like sea salt and Bitty's chocolate pie. They'd gone skinny dipping again and eaten all the food Bitty made before Nursey pulled out a huge book on constellations, telling Dex he was going to show him the ones in the sky and then he was going to show him the ones on his body.

After all it was only natural for Nursey to want to take pictures of Dex's freckles and post them on tumblr for his followers to appreciate. Dex wasn't sure how he felt about thousands of strangers looking at his body but he didn't mind, he guessed.

He pointed out Cassiopeia and Andromeda and Pegasus and so much more that Dex couldn't concentrate on as Nursey started to trail his fingers up and down Dex's body. He'd kiss certain spots, making Dex shiver under his touch before continuing on his journey of Dex's body, naming more and more of the constellations that covered his body.

“N-Nurse,” Dex managed to get out as Nursey bit especially hard on the sweet spot on his neck that he'd found weeks ago. Nursey looked up at Dex with a menacing grin before going back to the hickey that was forming lightly, Nursey had learnt that Dex's pale skin meant that hickeys were so easy to make, they were also darker which Nursey considered a bonus.

When Nursey finally stopped, proud of the work he had done, Dex thought he'd actually finished but Nursey just latched onto another spot and left Dex a writhing and moaning mess underneath him once again. He stopped making hickeys and pushed Dex back down on the blanket and kissed him harshly on the lips, Dex instantly returning the kiss, letting Nursey's tongue into his mouth easily.

After that intense make out session, the two of them lay on the blanket, Dex's head on Nursey's chest and their fingers intertwined.

“I am so, so, so in love with you, Derek.” Dex breathed out.

Nursey kissed the top of his head, “I am so, so, so in love with you too, Will.”

 

_**Dex is 18 years old when the world doesn't seem as cruel as it was when he was 12.** _

 

 

 


End file.
